One Photo a Day ~ days 51 to 100

D a y ~ f i f t y ~ o n e ~ of 100

January 30, 2019

This morning’s perfect cup of tea was made with a big mug, little sleep, no water, and a whole lot of milk ~ steeped for three minutes. 🤦🏻‍♀️

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But it was a the most delightful cup of refreshingly cold milk with hints of chai and cinnamon. Which probably woke me up more than my piping hot tea would have.

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Two days in one is okay. We can handle fitting two days in. But three days in one is pushing us into the early hours of the morning.

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Here’s to the night shifters needing that extra cup of energy. I am humbled by you. Whether you are up working, studying, caring for your little one or maybe not-so-little one 😌 ~ this cup of milk was for you. You rockstars.

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Would love to hear your sleepy mishaps too! I know we all have them. Please share!

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D a y ~ f i f t y ~ t w o ~ of 100

January 31, 2019

And Kim, I never wanted that Picks disease.

Oh Mama. Can I give you a hug?

I don’t know what that is. No.

It’s how you show someone you love them.

Well I don’t need it.

Can I show you? This is a hug. Now you can hug me.

Oh you want me to put it on you?

I was folding laundry, she takes the tank top from my hands and puts it on me, over my shirt.

Is that what you were thinking?

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Layers of warmth. That’s exactly what I was thinking mama. That is a hug after all.

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“Memories you've shed, Gone for good you feared

They're all around you still, Though they've disappeared,

Nothing's really left, Or lost without a trace

Nothing's gone forever, Only out of place”

~ The Place Where Lost Things Go,

Mary Poppins Returns

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D a y ~ f i f t y ~ t h r e e ~ of 100

February 1, 2019

“The camera is an instrument that teaches people how to see without a camera.” ~ Dorothea Lange ❤️

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Still so much heart.

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D a y ~ f i f t y ~ f o u r ~ of 100

February 3, 2019

Entrance and exit claps for grandma all day. He knows just how much she deserves that extra bow. The littlests often have the biggest hearts.

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“Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart, it could hold a rather large amount of gratitude.”

~ A.A. Milne 🍯

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D a y ~ f i f t y ~ f i v e ~ of 100

February 5, 2019

I think these pages reflect her voice lately. Sometimes the circles are jumbled, the ink dark and heavy. Other days the pages are smooth and light. At some-point there was a shift mid search and she moved her pen to open space and circled ART. Even though it wasn’t a word on the list waiting to be found.

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I felt the shift in her too; and in myself when I stopped and took it in as if was hanging on a gallery wall. Sometimes we all need those three letters more than we realize. Maybe it’s a paintbrush, your garden, or dancing shoes. Maybe it’s a messy masterpiece with itty bitty hands on the kitchen floor. Maybe it’s music, pies in the oven, or needle and thread. Pen to paper. Stories on stage. Behind the camera’s lens. Or perhaps within a maze of letters.

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It’s ours for the making. The sharing. The celebrating. Thank you for your ART, and mama, thank you for yours.

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“Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.” ~Pablo Picasso

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D a y ~ f i f t y ~ s i x ~ of 100

February 7, 2019

Kim let’s get to that store. I want to be there. I forget what a store is.

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A trip to the library seemed like the most perfect “store” to me. It has been quite some time since we all we went out adventuring together. 📚

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“The only thing that you absolutely have to know, is the location of the library.” ~ Albert Einstein

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D a y ~ f i f t y ~ s e v e n ~ of 100

February 8, 2019

Springtime peaking through.

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What’s the name of what you got me?

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A flower.

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Oh. A flower.

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This was when she filled the days with questions. I didn’t know then that there would come a time when I would wish for just one.

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I think our little purple flower may be a little too little to catch her eye. We have some planting to do, my Henry Rivers. With a little sun, a little rain, and a lot of love, maybe we’ll sprout a few curiosities too. 🌱

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D a y ~ f i f t y ~ e i g h t ~ of 100

February 9, 2019

Mama bear, Grandma bear, and Baby bear breakfast. “And it was so good,” she said. Blueberry mustaches all around. 🐻

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D a y ~ f i f t y ~ n i n e ~ of 100

February 10, 2019

After endless double days, I was only seeing double the laundry. These two saw double the superhero capes and ocean waves, turning piles of sheets into nothing short of extraordinary.

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“Life must be lived as play.” ~ Plato

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D a y ~ s i x t y ~ of 100

February 11, 2019

It wasn’t until the house was still that I looked up and saw that the fireplace was ready for a fiesta. A cotton candy carnival waiting for celebration. My husband wasn’t home, and unless our little guy found a way to bounce these up there, then mama had to have been the one to decorate. On one of her quietest days she helped me pick up his toys by throwing me a party. A surprise party with jumbo confetti; you just have to be willing to see it. 🎉

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D a y ~ s i x t y ~ o n e ~ of 100

February 12, 2019

“Where is Tractor?” She went from one window to the next looking for Tracker but he was too speedy to catch. Around and around he went, pawing a mud-i-ful trench around the house that ended in a very sudsy bath for both us. I think we have the fastest 🚜 there ever was.

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“The world is mud- luscious and puddle-wonderful...” E.E. Cummings

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It sure is.

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D a y ~ s i x t y ~ t w o ~ of 100

February 14, 2019

From one of my very favorite plays ~

“How many years has it been since we were at the harvest dance? — at any dance? ... I love you, Aggie! I love you more than chocolate biscuits!”

~ Brian Friel’s, Dancing at Lughnasa

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Well it wasn’t quite a harvest dance, and we were missing the Irish dialects ☘️, but it was a Nina Simone “Feeling Good” dance that lifted our hearts. I sure do love these three valentines more than all chocolate biscuits there ever could be!

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D a y ~ s i x t y ~ t h r e e ~ of 100

February 16, 2019

They are so easy to miss, these full hearted split seconds. In our little corner of the universe, it’s where time stands still.

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D a y ~ s i x t y ~ f o u r ~ of 100

February 17, 2019

Water, to Henry, is a never ending stream of fun. Especially when Shu is splashing too. To mama, it has become an invisible threat. It’s not a calming flow of warmth, even when it is warm. I try to imagine what she feels. It seems like it is only ferociously cold, piercing, and heavy. Each drop pounding louder and more thunderous than the one before.

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And yet, at least once a day she braves the water. She dips her cup or fork under the faucet in a flash, rinsing it without encountering a single drop. And I am there for the victory. 💦

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D a y ~ s i x t y ~ f i v e ~ of 100

February 18, 2019

And another ♥️. She is so full of h e a r t.

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Today, I am thinking about ♥️-ful days ahead for those fighting FTD. One that takes a different road after diagnosis; where treatment is a possibility, and the words, “irreversible” and “there is nothing we can do,” are never spoken. Where post-it notes of, “can I have a brain transplant?” aren’t tucked away. Where memories are kept safe, and faces never blurred. Where a mother doesn’t have to keep drifting away, even while her daughter is holding on so tight. I know it will be different someday. I’m sure of it. And I want to fight for that mother and daughter.

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“I dwell in possibility.” ~ Emily Dickinson

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I have joined the February With Love fundraising campaign for The Association for Frontotemporal Degeneration (FTD, also known as Picks disease). I am humbled to among such a vibrant community giving a voice to those fighting FTD; celebrating our joys, sharing love, and helping to build a hopeful future.

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Thank you for taking a moment out of your day to follow these 100 days. I am beyond touched by your support. If you would like to join me in donating to the With Love Campaign for research, advocacy, awareness, and support. Every bit goes such a long way. Please share with anyone who may find it meaningful.

✨To donate ~ https://www.classy.org/fundraiser/1897238

Thank you with love,

Kim

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D a y ~ s i x t y ~ s i x ~ of 100

February 19, 2019

• day • s i x t y ~ s i x • of 100

Well, I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a sweeter dishtowel. 😌

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D a y ~ s i x t y ~ s e v e n ~ of 100

February 20, 2019

• day • s i x t y ~ s e v e n • of 100

If he is still asleep when I turn the car off, then I know without a doubt, that baby’s day out was a smashing success. It’s just me and Henry~ the library, a buggy ride, and maybe a croissant for two. It’s becoming routine.

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So are these moments of stillness. It’s just me behind the camera, which is quickly becoming one of my very favorite places to be. Playtime before he stirs 📸 ~ messing up, discovering, trying to teach myself the art of this beautiful craft. Then we say goodbye to the lovely Ms. E. who stays with mama so we can have our Wednesday adventures, and I step backwards or forwards into her day.

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“Oh good you’re here! And your little boy, too!” is almost always how we are welcomed back in. And every time she says this, I feel so lucky. Henry is ferociously waving (really to himself ☺️), with his cheeks pinched around the happiest smile. All for her.

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D a y ~ s i x t y ~ e i g h t ~ of 100

February 21, 2019

“I love him,” she said tickling the hippo. “That’s all.” And off she went.

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And that was pretty much all for the day. But it was undoubtedly all that we (all) needed.

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D a y ~ s i x t y ~ n i n e ~ of 100

February 24, 2019

“All you need is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust.” ~ Peter Pan

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J.M. Barrie sure knew that a little pixie ✨dirt✨ could give you extra wings. Barefoot and leaf covered. Maybe even chasing after a little Pan. You’ll soon be pixie dusted. I sure was.

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D a y ~ s e v e n t y ~ of 100

February 26, 2019

“Don’t tell me the moon is shining, show me the glint of light on broken glass.” ~ Anton Chekhov

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Sometimes you need someone else to help you see it. I hope when you do, they are there just when you need it; opening the door to let the light in.

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D a y ~ s e v e n t y ~ o ne ~ of 100

March 1, 2019

I thought mama and I had it rough last night until I saw this little pup. ☺️

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D a y ~ s e v e n t y ~ t w o ~ of 100

March 15, 2019

An amazon prime surprise for a very special five year old. 📦🎈

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Around Christmastime we got a singing telegram from this effervescent dusted gal. It was a mix of “Maliz Navidat” (she was so close ☺️), and “Jingle Bells.” After her encore of a very merry “Pledge of Allegiance”(😂) she signed off with, “Hi Kimmy, I miss you and Henry and Shu and Aunt Linda. I wish I could come take care of you and Aunt Linda.” Her wisdom and heart outnumber her whole hand of 5 birthday fingers.

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I know mama would have loved to jump out of the box too. It’s so hard leaving her behind. But sometimes it’s doing what I know she would have wanted to do, the things that would have made her bubble over with laughter, that help the most.

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I thought I remembered seeing a photo of her in a giant box. I have yet to find it, but I found out after, that these big box birthday surprises really do run in the family. Popping out of a huge tv box, she surprised her sister on her 50th birthday, on this very same porch. 📦🎈

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Da y ~ s e v e n t y ~ t h r e e ~ of 100

March 16, 2019

17 hours driving south, their green and white VT plates passed through many states in order to fill their nephew’s crib with his first birthday balloons. 🎈

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“I was so good with you. When we had Kim and Paul.” Every night, this is her mantra, to dad’s picture. Lately I think it’s her way of rehearsing; memorizing the most important lines in her entire world.

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He’s here mama. He’s here. And you know what? I think they just may have beat your record for the most hours driven for a birthday celebration. Like mama, like son.

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And so we celebrated in the way I know she would have wanted: nose to nose, cheek to cheek, balloon to balloon.

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Da y ~ s e v e n t y ~ f o u r ~ of 100

March 17, 2019

A belated birthday post, but maybe perfect timing, because I’ve always thought that maybe we’re birthday buddies because of a wee bit O’ Irish luck sprinkled down from from his Grandpa Sullivan. ☘️

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Henry Rivers, you made our first trip around the sun together brighter than I ever could have imagined. You always know how to make the sun shine. ☀️

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Since we lost an hour because of daylight savings, I’ve already marked “cupcakes” on the calendar for November 3rd when we change clocks again. We’ll take back our birthday hour with more cupcake smudged cheeks. I don’t want to miss a minute of celebrating you.

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D a y ~ s e v e n t y ~ f i v e ~ of 100

March 18, 2019

If this is turning one, can you even imagine turning six thousand? Hang on there pal, six thousand years is a long ride. 😉

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S e v e n t y ~ s i x ~ of 100

March 23, 2019

Well, looks this 🐾 has it all under control. So I think I’ll clock out early today. Henry will take care of lunch- for every bite he gives Tracker two. And mama? Tracks will sit as close as he can to her chair. Henry will take in a numbers lesson while she holds up her phase ten cards. He’ll watch her intently, and reach for each one. And maybe she’ll tickle his shoulder and say, “you’re so good.”

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They’ll take care of each other. They always do.

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D a y ~ s e v e n t y ~ s e v e n ~ of 100

March 25, 2019

Sun dipped songs to start her days.

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He won’t miss a chance to follow me into her room. I’m changing sheets and swapping pants and sweaters, while he’s sliding open her closet door and disappearing inside. Pluck, pluck, pluck, and a few loud bangs, he strums our morning soundtrack. “We were so good. Love you. Sorry I had that picks disease.…” she’ll say, beginning each day with the same greeting to dad’s picture.

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The best part? Whether the sun is out or the moon has taken her place, we get two or three chances to repeat this morning routine in just one day. As long as Henry’s awake when her new day begins, he’s there accompanying her on dad’s guitar.

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D a y ~ s e v e n t y ~ e i g h t ~ of 100

March 26, 2019

He’s thinking, “If only I had a hat, too.”

(And maybe a 🍪 to go with the 🥛)

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D a y ~ s e v e n t y ~ n i n e ~ of 100

March 28, 2019

You never know what each second may bring, so keep climbing to the next.

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D a y ~ e i g h t y ~ of 100

March 30, 2019

A squished-button-nose just to see you, mama.

I don’t think you can be any more loved than squished-button-nose-loved.

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D a y ~ e i g h t y ~ o n e ~ of 100

April 1, 2019

I haven’t been ready for April just yet. March 31, 1988 is the very last calendar square in the baby book that she made for me. It has not only been our way of connecting over motherhood, but it has been my guide; my way of looking for answers to the questions I wish I could ask her, and the stories I want to hear.

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The first time returning a smile, loving (and eating) toes, funny faces at peaches, babbling alien words (as she put it ☺️), discovering belly buttons, first teeth, and on and on. She left me a map for this wild and extraordinary ride; one that I have been so lucky to have, especially as both of us started our marathon of many firsts on the very same day.

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On the last date she writes, “Very silly Kimberly just laughs to laugh.” I would say the same about very silly Henry. 😌

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So here we go, kiddo, it’s you and me. If nothing else, we’ll just laugh to laugh our way through.

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D a y ~ e i g h t y ~ t w o ~ of 100

April 5, 2019

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.

"Pooh!" he whispered.

"Yes, Piglet?"

"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you.

A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner

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(All the while, unintentionally twinning with Grandma)

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D a y ~ e i g h t y ~ t h r e e ~ of 100

April 7, 2019

Gonna make this garden grow. Just outside her window.

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Pulling weeds and picking stones

🌱Man is made of dreams and bones 🌱

Feel the need to grow my own

Cause the time is close at hand

Painful rain, sun and rain

Find my way in nature's chain

Tune my body and my brain

To the music from the land

~The Garden Song, by David Mallett

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D a y ~ e i g h t y ~ f o u r ~ of 100

April 11, 2019

“They talk a lot,” she’ll say about NPR playing, Cat Stevens singing, or me babbling away. She laughs a little. Other times it’s full of wonderment, as if she’s talking about a place she’s never been to. The way that Peter talks about Neverland and Wendy listens; yearning to see it, dreaming to understand. Then there are the times when she’ll say it as if it’s all static. That’s when she may even say, “I don’t know what they talk. I don’t need to hear it.”

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Tracker snuggled up like this today (he absolutely did this himself ☺️) made me think about all the noise she hears in one day. When most words no longer have meaning you are lost in a foreign language without a translator. And not just language as we think of it, but the unknown language of objects: a blender, wooden blocks tumbling, a car horn beeping.

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There must be times when this is all she wants to do. And you know something...she does. I’ve never connected it until just now; she cocoons herself in her blanket much like this when she sleeps.

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Tomorrow I want to listen more closely so that I can turn off all the noise for her when she needs it. I think a day of just her voice saying, “you’re so good,” is very much needed. It has a lasting echo of its own. More than enough to fill the whole day.

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D a y ~ e i g h t y ~ s e v e n ~ of 100

April 19, 2019

More cherry cheeks than baby. 🍒

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It’s hard to believe that it was our seventh cherry filled April 19th without him. Whether it’s cherry pie, crisp, ice cream, or raspberry cream donuts (it was the closest to cherry we could do that year) we’ll always celebrate dad’s birthday with a cherry cheers in honor of him.

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We have no more cinnamon as this little chef decided the crisp needed the entire jar (even his bath smelled more of cinnamon than soap ☺️). It was just the way every April 19th should be, with a new head chef to cherry-up the day. And hopefully those cherry bites were the sweetest for mama.

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D a y ~ e i g h ty ~ e i g h t ~ of 100

April 21, 2019

Paint, baby feet, and a little cottontail. This bunny sure loves you, Nuh-nuh.

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D a y ~ e i g h t y ~ n i n e ~ of 100

April 22, 2019

“If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.” ~ Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden

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I’ve been marveling at the azaleas in our yard; feeling so lucky that they are here and promising to obtain a green thumb to care for them. Henry and I added a few more bunches to the table today, but it seems they are never in her view. So we keep adding more jars of azaleas around the house. I want her to experience springtime blossoming too.

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Then I hear her say, “I love this.” I poke my head around the corner, thrilled that she sees them now. Except that she’s not even near the flowers. She’s in the living room picking up Henry’s basket of toys and carrying it to a new spot, right near her place at the dining room table. Then she goes back for another basket and once more for his little crate of books. “They’re so good,” she says pointing at the toys she’s lined up in a row. She smiles and sits down at the table covered in pink and purple petals. But she’s not smiling at them; she’s planted her own garden.

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D a y ~ n i n e t y ~ of 100

April 25, 2019

I follow him and he follows her, wherever she may go. 🦆🦆🦆

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D a y ~ n i n e t y ~ o n e ~ of 100

April 29, 2019

“What’s your name?” she asks me. “Where is Kim? I hope she gets here.”

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“We have calcium in our bones, iron in our veins, carbon in our souls, and nitrogen in our brains. 93 percent stardust, with souls made of flames, we are all just stars that have people names.” ~ Nikita Gill

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Once she asked me, “Was it my mother that said me, Linda?” She seemed so touched when I said yes, your mother named you Linda. It seemed to comfort her just like it comforts me these days; knowing she chose mine.

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But as meaningful as names are, they are just letters. Beautifully woven together letters, but letters all the same.

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She has yet to say, “Henry.” But she knows him. And at the end of this particularly long day she suddenly looked at me differently than she had all day and said, “Oh, Kim! Good you got here. I was with that girl.” Hopefully she enjoyed her day with “that girl.” 😌

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My heart is with those whose names aren’t remembered by their loved ones at the end of the day. I hope they can feel that they are truly, “93 percent stardust, with souls made of flames... just stars that have people names.”

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D a y ~ n i n e t y ~ t w o ~ of 100

May 2, 2019

Émile Zola says it best ~ “If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, will answer you: I am here to live out loud.”

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I was first introduced to this quote at Imagination Stage. I loved seeing it every day. It has stayed with me and speaks beautifully to my inspiration for this project. It has become my dream to help give my mom and others fighting this disease a voice; to help them continue to live out loud.

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I am very excited to be heading to the AFTD’s (Association for Temporal Degeneration) annual Education Conference in LA. I’ll be sharing a few photos in a panel about the power of storytelling. Thank you to the AFTD for inviting me to share a bit of this project. I am humbled to be among such a vibrant community helping to build hope for those facing FTD. I can’t wait to learn all I can.

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I already miss these two. And you, my ❤️Up, up, and away, I go ✈️

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D a y ~ n i n e t y ~ t h r e e

May 5, 2019

Maybe the youngest little FTD advocate yet.

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Henry left his bath toys to float away and didn’t even touch them last night. Off came my My “Find Help • Share Hope” bracelet from the AFTD conference and he spent all of his bath splashing it in the bubbles, sliding it on and off, and running it under the water (it also happens to be just right for teething).

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I’ve never felt more inspired than I have now. Thank you to AFTD for such an informative and hopeful conference and for introducing me to an incredible community of people that already feel like family. And a very special thank you to Lauren for inviting me to share some of this 100 day project in the Power of Storytelling session - what an honor to be among such a vibrant panel- you are all remarkable.

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Someday this bracelet will fit on this itty bitty wrist, and when it does Henry, I hope we’ll be there hand in and hand. And maybe at that conference, we’ll be celebrating treatments, and just maybe, a cure. I’ll tell you how you were part of the fight for a cure too, because through your eyes, you saw more. You saw the beauty. The love. The joy. And yes, the sorrow, because I know you can feel it sometimes, too. My Henry Rivers, I cannot wait to thank you one day for helping me see hope.

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Tonight there is a special airing 60 minutes about FTD. 7pm eastern, 6pm pacific. Please considering watching and spreading the word!

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D a y ~ n i n e t y ~ f o u r ~ of 100

May 6, 2019

“Darling,” she says to his picture, in the middle of the night. “Darling.” Spoken so effortlessly.

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I haven’t heard her say, “darling” or any words even remotely close to “darling” in a very long time. She says the same fragmented sentences every day. It has become a coded language that we share.

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I started making a list of the words she used today - blue, ensure, you, go, up, quick, one, thing, cold, bed, another, sit, quick, waters, truck, car, out, work, phase ten, teeth, red.” These words themselves are worth celebrating; I know how lucky we are that we still get to hear her voice. I would have been shocked to hear her say - hello, good morning, banana, shoe, fork, book, dinner, or tree. But she said, “darling.” And she says “I love you.” And she says “you’re so good.” And she says “your little boy.”

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The brain is fascinating. And the heart - the heart is undeniably miraculous.

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D a y ~ n i n e t y ~ f i v e ~ of 100

Mother’s Day, May 12, 2019

I was in the middle of writing something else for a different photo, but then my aunt called. Recently her sisters are called many different names in one phone call- but today she was “mother” for the entire time. That’s never happened before. “And mother, you should get with me to be with me?” I hadn’t even mentioned Mother’s day; she hasn’t understood holidays for a few years (but I tried to make today special by adding the most delicious farmer’s market strawberries in her smoothie instead of frozen 🍓). I also never her call her mother. I always call her mama.

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It could be the fever, we haven’t been able to beat it for days now. It could be a name mix up, but I really don’t think so. It was her tone; it was different somehow. Lighter. Softer. Sweeter. I think she needed her mother today and it makes me smile that in her world her mother was there for her. I have one photo with Loretta, my grandmother. I was three weeks early and she died three weeks after I was born. Mama always said that I came early so I could meet her, and that her mother hung on to meet me. And today on the phone she told her mother about Henry. “And Kim has her little boy,” she said. And then a few hours later she lifted up the phone saying, “that’s when my mother talked me.”

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“All the forces on this planet, will never beat that of a Mother’s love.” ~ Elle Smith, The Way Back Home

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Now that I’m a mama, I have felt it, and I know it’s true. Nothing can beat that of a mother’s love. Sending extra love to anyone who may need a little more today.

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D a y ~ n i n e t y ~ s i x ~ of 100

May 17, 2019

For you, mama. And maybe, for me. ~ “I know this transformation is painful, but you’re not falling apart; you’re just falling into something different, with a new capacity to be beautiful.”

~ William C. Hannan

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These days have been harder. But you still reach for your hat, and I reach for my camera, and then I know we’re okay. I think my camera is what I’m falling into, and it’s because of you. 💛

D a y ~ n i n e t y ~ s e v e n ~ of 100

May 19, 2019

“It's amazing the difference

A bit of sky can make.”

~ Shel Silverstein, Where the Sildewalk Ends

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D a y ~ n i n e t y ~ e i g h t ~ of 100

May 23, 2019

Cheers, Nuh-Nuh!

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I try to be like you: never giving up, cheersing her every chance you can. I’m learning from you, my Henry Rivers. Your perseverance is astounding. And you know what? Maybe your name has even more meaning that we thought.

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“Rivers know this: there is no hurry.

We shall get there some day.”

A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh (Winnie-the-Pooh, #1)

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D a y ~ n i n e t y ~ n i n e ~ of 100

May 30, 2019

“How many moons are there in America?” This was when our days were filled with questions. The very early days of her diagnosis. I didn’t know then there would a come a day when I would wish for just one.

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“Mmmm-nnnn” Henry softly hums, pointing to the moon. It was his first “word” after Mama, Dada, and Nuh-Nuh. I like to think that she’s passed her questions to him. They are not borrowed or unfortunately even shared. They are gifted.

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We have just started seeing the first fireflies in the yard, and I remember chasing them with her; jumping and twirling, cupping our hands and opening them ever so slowly, hoping our palms would glow. I’ve been dreaming of them lately; their bellies so full that they could burst, but instead they glow. But glow of what? In my dreams, they are full of memories. What else could glow as bright as the moon? Maybe that’s the tale of the fireflies, or maybe the one I’ll write with Henry. I just can’t think that these memories can burst or be erased. So they glow. Glowing of moments too precious to disappear, and then carried in the bellies of fireflies to be dispersed.

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And it happened to be a day when she was maybe the quietest yet, and when the fireflies were out, dancing.

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D a y ~ o n e ~ h u n d r e d ~ of 100

June 2, 2019

One second it’s “I’m not good. I used to be good.” Then a moment later, with an unexpected turn and few steps towards the sun, she’s one foot into the garden. And ultimately (and surprisingly) it’s “I love you” to this little boy she couldn’t even see at first, and before this moment had yet to reach out to him for quite a few days.

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Henry you know how to lead us there every time, to the place budding with possibility. While I’ve been the “caregiver,” you both have been caregiving for me. I follow on your search of the sidewalk’s end, and when we are there, I find me. I haven’t had to teach you, you’ve both been showing me all along to:

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“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” ~ Shel Silverstein

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“There is a place where the sidewalk ends

And before the street begins,

And there the grass grows soft and white,

And there the sun burns crimson bright,

And there the moon-bird rests from his flight

To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black

And the dark street winds and bends.

Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow

We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,

And watch where the chalk-white arrows go

To the place where the sidewalk ends...

For the children, they mark, and the children, they know

The place where the sidewalk ends.”

~ Shel Silverstein, Where the Sidewalk Ends

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